#esp now that im going through such a dark time in my life

[huecycles]

oh hey :) thanks for the kind comments and tags left under the last post!

it's so wild how body hair in art & media in general is seen as something "disgusting" or "weird", at first i thought that maybe the way i drew it made it look confusing but no way in hell you couldn't zoom in or just... think logically to know that is natural hair? some people are hairy like that! the way i draw it is more fluffy yes because i love floof and i dont give a shit tbh lol

i knew about the "issue" of jevil being fat so the body hair one threw me for a loop like wow. idk why jevil specifically gets this type of treatment, maybe other fat characters in utdr do too but i always see toriel, asgore, alphys, lancer, king, catti, sans who is a skeleton (and i really can't see him any other way, the fandom is doing a great job in keeping him chubby-like i love that) drawn with mostly correct proportions to in game/official art, yet jevil seems to get this mixed reaction. idk why i still see skinny jevil, or why some people insist his clown clothes are just "baggy". the jester is circular, look at his torso please for the love of god. sorry but i just want more fat rep as a fat person myself. i want jevil to remain short (his sprite is shorter than kris and slightly taller than spamton) and fat like he is in game!

drawing him helped me understand a lot about plus size anatomy, and honestly i couldn't be more happy about that because i'm also dealing a lot better with my body image issues and finally bringing more diversity to my art. him being hairy too is yet another thing that makes me happy as someone with pcos, and portraying him as a fat, hairy trans man as someone who is nonbinary and for months has been wanting to experiment with different pronouns/wondering how it would be like to transition is something really special. it's messy and silly but spamton and jevil are the ultimate comfort characters/ship to me, their stories and how they were written speak volumes and resonate with me a lot + headcanoning them as t4t has been beyond freeing and making me get a lot of gender euphoria/dysphoria/envy all at the same time lmfao what the fuck.

i'm honestly glad for these characters because they're what helped me articulate my recent feelings about my gender to my mother, who has grown a lot and is making an effort to understand all of this. the reaction i sometimes get from people who talk to me, come into my inbox or just pour their feelings out in the tags about how they love my portrayal of spamton and jevil's gender identity + their relationship and how important it is to them is so so cool. yeah :)

speaking of chest hair, here's how spamton looks without the shirt. the left side of his chest has a panel for his heart (a smaller version of neo's) and of course top surgery scars, a different type. he's also hairy! not that much since he's a puppet but he still has the addison floof, it's cute

[redheadspark]

(Im not sure if my thing was sent so if it was just ignore this)

Hawwu can I request 6. “You and I together… would that be weird?” “No. No, I don’t think so.” and 5. Having so many inside jokes that just the two of them know, that other people often don’t understand their humor. With Druig thank uuu

A/N - HAWUU! Thanks for requesting this for druig, my friend!

Room

Summary - After the Emergence, you connected with your best friend again.

Warnings - Just some fluff!

“Here, This was all I could find in the Domo,”

“You got this from Makkari’s stash, didn’t you?”

“If you don’t tell, I won’t tell,”

Druig snorted as he dug into the small bag of chips you were holding between you.  As he took a chip and mushed away, you were leaning back on the beach and looking at what was left on the Domo.  It was in shambles, some of it still in the beach surf, and the rest was in flames.  Sure, it looked a bit depressing since it was your ship and your first home, but then again you were too exhausted to feel anything else than relieved.  The past few hours were a whirlwind, and now that you were sitting down and feeling the fatigue come over you.  

There was a change of tides in the air as you felt the wind whip your hair up and around your battered face, the change only from saving the world from the near Emergence that would have destroyed the entire human species, but also amongst your Eternal Family. The same family you haven’t seen in almost 500 years and you never thought you would see again.  

Without Ajak and Gilgamesh, and the betrayal of Ikaris still fresh like a new wound, you were wondering what was going to be the future for all of you.  The others had lives, Kingo with his movies, Phastos with his husband and son, you felt lost in the shuffle yourself.  

“How long do you think it’ll take Phastos to fix the ship?” Druig asked as he popped another chip in his mouth and hummed, you grinning.

“Not a long time if Makkari will help.  She knows more about the ship than any one of us at this point,” You explained, Druig humming in agreement as you took a chip from the bag, “Given the recent turmoil we just went through, I’m in no rush,”

“Me neither, we have plenty of catch up on anyways,” Druig reminded you as you looked over at him, seeing the sea ship his brown locks to hide his bright blue eyes.  You smiled, though it was not big since he was sporting a scab on his cheek and looked a bit too stiff.  As if the wind could blow him over if he’d let it. 

He was right, you two had lots to catch up on.  Being his closest friend on the ship, apart from Makkari, you were always at his side. He was the calm to your temper, the sarcasm to your gentleness, and the aloof to your meekness.  Being opposites brought you two together so quickly and made the bon so strong and thick that it was almost impossible to break.  You loved those earlier years with him, not just in protecting the Humans and watching their evolution, but simply having a friend in your corner.  

When he left you behind 500 years ago, it felt like a shattering of your bond.  Of course, you knew why he had to go and you didn’t stop him, Druig was headstrong in what he wanted and what he knew was right.  But then again, you were also wishing to be selfish and keep him in your life.  He knew you more than you knew yourself, brought you out of darkness and doubt, made you feel joy when you thought yours was gone.  

Those 500 years without your best friend, they were tolerable at best.

“I’ve thought about you, know you,” Druig explained, you looked away from the Domo to him now as he was looking at you fondly with his shoulder touching yours, “Those years I was in the Amazon.  It was nice, and I wouldn’t take it back, but I did think about you a lot.”

“Good things, I hope,” You teased, seeing him crack a small grin as he nodded slowly.

“Amazing things,’ He admitted, making your stomach do a small flip as he hummed and spoke again, “I remember all the jokes we did on the others, especially with Phastos.  All the stories we would tell together over the campfire, and the dreams we had for the humans.”

“I remember your dream you told me,” You explained, “You’ve always wanted to be in a small little house by the sea, away from cities and massive populations of people.  Nice and quiet,”

“You teased that I would hate it, that and get a suntan,” Druig joked as you chuckled.

“I mean, you burn easily under the sun,” You replied, poking his side as he shoved your shoulder playfully.  You both laughed on the surf, battered and bruised with your armor stained and almost shredded to ribbons It felt surreal to be laughing at this point, but almost seemed natural for the pair of you.  Something you both needed from being away from each other for centuries.  Once the laughing died down and you were both quiet again, a lingering thought was on your mind.

“Where do we go from here?” You had to ask, Druig shifting in his spot on the sand as he cracked his knuckles.

“Don’t know.  I know I can’t go back to the Amazon now, the villagers can do fine without me at this point,” He explained, “I guess I can figure it out as I go,”

“I’m in the same boat too,” You admitted in a shrug, Druig watching you as you were towing the sand with your boot.

“We can figure it out together,” he explained, you raising a brow at him.

“Would that be weird?” You asked carefully.

“Not at all.  I don’t think so if it’s with you,” Druig hummed, his voice sounding soft and sure when he gestured his chin to you.  You smiled, leaning your head over to then rest of his shoulder as you both watched the surf float in and out on the beach.  Being this close to Druig seemed safe, seemed warm like the first sun rays or the smallest touch of leaves along the treetops.  You’ve missed this, the unidentified feelings that you once tried to tuck away since your friendship with him was more important.  

But you felt Druig lace your hands together on the sand, seeing the scrapes and blood on his skin as he spoke.

“You and I together…would that be weird?” He asked, almost in a manner that seemed timid.  You thought about it for a small second or two, and all you could think about it joy.  The joy of having another person in your life that would bring you more happiness.  The joy of knowing someone else thought of you with adoration and love in their heart.  

The joy of it comes from your best friend.

“No,” You replied calmly, “No, I don’t think so,”

As Druig kissed the side of your head, you smiled brightly for the first time in what seemed like a long time.  Your heart, which seemed protected and hardened over time, was now making room for one more person to inhabit.

It took you two long enough

The End

[saintetheldreda]

so i used to say vide noir was my favourite lord huron album because it is the most atmospheric of their albums and this is obviously a big part of it because vide noir is atmospheric as shit but honestly now i think it is less vide noir’s atmosphere and more its brilliant and uniquely insane batshit intensity that makes it such a special part of the lord huron discography.

can you imagine if you were listening to lonesome dreams and you heard a lyric like “cosmic ash and blackened brain i call you by your ancient names” youd have a heart attack lord huron have always been very emotionally intense but the way they took their gentle folk inspired melancholic beautiful cowboy sounds of love and heartbreak and strange happenings and turned it up to the raging neon scream into the darkness that is vide noir is quite possibly the most iconic thing any band has ever done. i know we have setting sun in lonesome dreams and that song is gorgeous and intense but it is just not the same kind of intense. you get your heart broken in strange trails and its “i dont know what to do haunted by the ghost of you” and how do i break the curse you left on me and runes on my skin and shit thats bad gang but you get your heart broken in vide noir and your soul gets hurled to the edge of the cosmos then plummets back into the ocean through a fucking hole in the fucking sky what the FUCK guys what the FUCK. i love playing vide noir all the time because this is my favourite framework through which to view my lived experience everything is so heightened and bright and loud and dramatic and imagining the world around you that way is just so magical. we start vide noir with “if i don’t find her i’m gonna tie that noose” we are promised a depth of love that stops at nothing and is no holds barred and bloody and raw and god does the album deliver on that promise every fucking second that follows. its the feeling of following your heart through its deepest darkest most twisted strange and unfamiliar paths without having any idea where its going, just to know what it has in store for you, because thats how committed you are to following it. there is no equivalent. sorry to say something a little sacreligous but vide noir makes the world ender look like skipping in the park like the world ender is pretty metal when the world ender comes baby run for your life and whatever but in vide noir we are trying to outrun the fucking pure black void im sorry but thats horrifying.

going from the ethereal, dreamy vision of the unknown in the yawning grave and frozen pines to vide’s something escaped when you opened the gate and now the unknown is everywhere and we’re drowning in it is just. its everything. this is not to disrespect the world ender or strange trails or any of the other songs and albums because the day i take any of that for granted i will cease to exist (esp the world ender that song owns my entire heart and soul). all of the albums and songs have something so unique to them and special about them which makes them completely irreplaceable. i only aim to argue that in the realm of intensity and insanity, vide noir is king. i am also intense and insane and i am its subject. hence irresistible fave

[youremyheaven]

I fell in love with a ketuvian who has uttara bhadra sun+jupiter and rohini moon.. he also has 12th house placements. I can tell you he was like a perfect man for everyone, but also unnoticed. Handsome and yet away from public eye. Wise and yet indecisive at some point(?) but when he comes to a conclusion, he will follow through with his choice. I admired him so much even when he told me everything about his life. Our situationship only lasted for 3 months, and yet here I am 4 years later still wondering if whatever he felt for me was true. I’m not really asking for advise but i only wanted to share(unless hehe). I never blamed him for anything tho, he has his choices to make, there was so much burden being shouldered. If anyone of our babies here have any experience with the same placements i mentioned, i hope i could hear them too. Hi to our precious admin, if this is alright to share here thank you very much.

I hope our discord members share there experiences too if they may! ❤️

UBP Sun & Jupiter, Rohini Moon, Ketuvian with 12h placements

I think people with heavy 12h placements are kind of unforgettable. they have something to them that makes them sooo special. its a very heavy energy ngl, you can always tell that these people are going thru tough stuff but their 'darkness' or suffering makes them more alluring somehow? 12h or pisces rashi is commonly found in the charts of manyyy iconic celebs and sex symbols. the darkness and mystique makes them vv intriguing despite them being so elusive. they're so hard to reach and penetrate energetically but this is exactly why people go crazy for them. the less they try, the more they magnetize others.

Your guy has pisces rashi AND 12h placements, no wonder you feel this way

but that said, you said you doubt whether "whatever he felt for me was true" and i think that's very Moon + Ketu,, Ketuvians are so detached that one often wonders whether they care about u at all. Moon's nature is ever shifting, one day its waxing, next day its waning, this means Moon dominant individuals are very moody and change their mind about things frequently. if you ask them about xyz today they'll say one thing but ask them 2 weeks later and they'll say something entirely different. this can be vv confusing and disorienting for others. Moon is also linked to manipulation but since idk this person, I can't say he was like that.

but all in all, i think our attachment to certain individuals, esp those who are no longer part of our life, says more about us than them?? youre capable of intense feeling and empathy, thats why he still lingers in your mind. you think of him positively for the most part, you view him in a nuanced way but focus on his light, i think you're very loving and giving as a person. but sometimes we can be too loving.

romanticizing our experiences and our lives is wonderful but sometimes it prevents us from seeing situations and people for what they actually are. try to think about it objectively, was this guy actually as amazing? think about his behaviour in different instances? did he ever say things or do things that were 'off'? our memory is very partial so we often only remember what we want to, so its possible you now dont remember any of his 'bad' qualities but i think it will give you immense peace to let go of this connection. you can wish them well and try to forget them. our minds create their own experiences, the more you think about him and try to dissect him, the more you take away from a time that is already past.

be content with the memories but let everything else goo

just my 2 cents,, i hope i dont sound like im trying to tell u what 2 do or anything (even tho thats literally how ive worded things lmao)

others with similar experiences, how did ya'll cope?

[schizosupport]

Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

[star-sim]

hello hello vannie !!! wanted to pop by after ur last fic cuz it was so good omg ><

but anyways hows life?? i spent like 30 mins catching up on everything u post with (dating rumors go crazy ngl😭) and omg ur life is actually so crazy from what i read.

anyways,,, i am so not ready for my finals😞😞 but thankfully i have trip coming up to go to washington dc after finals !! so thats my motivation. root for me vannie😿😿

but i hope ur doing well and taking care of yourself !!! i leave u now with a jay pic

(wee bit of a rant but sending asks w moots always feels like im writing them a letter😽 i used to be obsessed with writing letters to my friends in elementary school (i had a hello kitty stationary set n everything) and it was always so fun putting my letter in the mailbox to be sent to my friends and getting them back in return!! ngl i might start writing to my friends again, esp the ones i dont see that often or live far away)

anyways bye bye vannie !!!

VALLLLL HAIIII

im a little bit stressed honestly because school is starting again for me tomorrow, but the school year is coming to a close soon, so hooray! honestly i dont know how my life is getting so dramatic lately. just yesterday i was the weird naruto girl and now my dms are filled with "hop on val pls" LEAVE ME ALONE PLSSS

I AM SO ROOTING FOR YOU!!! YOU GOT THISSSS we will get through finals season tgt 🤞🤞🤞 i didn't get to go to dc in eighth grade bc of covid, lmk how it goes!!

every time i get an ask i feel like twillight sparkle responding, like "dear princess celestia" and it feels magical LOL. i love writing letters to people, i feel so dark academia and old when i do it like yessss!!!!

thank u for the jay picture, i will cherish it deeply

bye bye val!!! thanks for stopping by!! <33

[neo-shitty]

hope you dont mind me popping in to your inbox to scream abt whc1 bc you are truly the only person out of my friend circle that has watched it 😭😭 first of all

facts. he can do no wrong.

second of all its been days and i am still processing like this has never happened to me before ?? usually i am a lil :// until the rest of the day when i finish a sad drama but with this im just so heartbroken still. yesterday during a big mental breakdown (unrelated to the drama i am not THAT crazy ok) i realised why it hit me so hard and i think its bc i somehow relate to sieun (anger issues and all /j) and so i somehow projected into his character and so when it all went down with suho i just couldnt deal w it ?? I LEGIT HAD A MINI PANIC ATTACK it felt like it was happening to me 😭😭😭 like he was such comfort for me. he broke the cycle of loneliness and stereotype for sieun and i just really adored each interaction they had. the fact that they would both kill and die for each other makes me bawl my eyes out.

but when it all comes down to it, i understand beomseok, i really do, but i also dont. i dont think ill ever forgive that character, i just cant. i cant imagine how it must have felt for him and i couldnt be able to deal w life either if i was in his shoes, but my brain just cant grasp the lengths he went to hurt people that did nothing but care for him and tried to help him with everything. he's a complex character for sure, one you have to analyze to get, but i dont have it in me to have a single ounce of sympathy after the ending of the drama.

but to think that the parents and the adults were truly at fault here ?? beomseok being abused, sieun abandoned and neglected, suho not really having parents around either (i read somewhere that they are canonically abroad or something?? not too sure), the policemen not taking sieun seriously at first, the teachers seeing the shit happening and not doing anything to stop the bullying... where were everyones parents when all those kids got caught up w the gang? its truly sickening and heartbreaking to think that this truly could be happening anywhere and to anyone.

and it broke me so much bc i could accept beomseok drifting away from them and stuff, but to gang up on suho on his fucking birthday? sieun cooking and decorating with young yi and taking pics for her insta (i strongly believe her and sieuns friendship is SO underrated they were so cute together) and both of them just hid it from everyone to protect suho,, their sunshine ??? the poor boy must have been so confused and lonely on his bday and it makes me :( and then when he saw sieuns cast and went to avenge him ?? I read something about how suho always fought only in self defence but when he saw sieun hurt he crossed the line and fought with the purpose of hurting somebody only bc his best friend was put in danger and that- that broke me.

also i find it funny how i found the drama through a clip on tiktok where jihoon cried at watching the last scene where sieun breaks the window and i was like oh this should be just the right amount of sad for me rn and then i got emotionally damaged. :,)

yeah anyways my fav trope is found family and FUCK all of those who hurt my sunshine bc now im forever heartbroken.

sorry for the rant toffee but it did felt cathartic to write this all out

bar, please don't worry about it. feel free to come back any time you have to yell about it and i'll try to get back to you as soon as i can.

sooho was just too easy to love. we headed into that show blind HAHA we should've known it was too good to be true! i never saw it coming actually.

same !! took me days to get over this too. *hugs* i'm sorry about the mental breakdown, i hope you're feeling a bit better now !! oh the projection must've made the whole thing twice as hard. again, sooho was such a comfort character :( his happy go lucky nature was such a breath of fresh air esp when the themes occasionally got dark. i want that dynamic for me actually (to kill and die for each other, yes). i usually find it corny but it was so well executed here.

oh bumseok :( i think it's valid to simultaneously understand him but at the same time, find what he did unforgivable. i get where he was coming from and how he was just looking for a place to fit in—where he wasn't looked down on. idk how to describe it but when he started misreading the situation (like that whole bit abt sooho not following him on ig but following young yi), i think something in him snapped. he was so fed up with being helpless at home and at his previous school that when it happened a third time, he did everything to get back and lashed out.

I 100% BELIEVE THE ADULTS WERE ABSOLUTE SHITTIEST NEGLIGENT FUCKERS AROUND. like???? leaving a scamming syndicate to be dealt with by high schoolers?????? bumseok's fake ass politician dad??????? sure, sieun's parents were 'present' but emotionally distant, like check on your kids bitches or not have them at all god dAMN. i thought some of the aspects of the bullying were exaggerated bc from where i'm from it never gets that bad but hearing that to an extent, it was truthful about it just left me dumbfounded. how could parents allow things like this to happen under the radar? it's unbelievable and heartbreaking to me.

yeah, i thought bumseok would just join his cool boy squad but he really had to do whatever the fuck he did :D my girl, i know you read my tags and i was vile as fuck towards him but at the time i was just so angry too. also yes! youngyi and sieun's friendship <3 i wish they had more time </3 and honestly, if bumseok didn't do a whole 180, i think the four of them would make such a cute squad. like the way they would protect each other??? hmp :/

'i read something about how suho always fought only in self defence but when he saw sieun hurt he crossed the line and fought with the purpose of hurting somebody only bc his best friend was put in danger and that- that broke me.' i saw that the other day and that broke me to fucking hell i could sell anyone's soul to see them together again (SPECIFICALLY, with the other one being fine and out of comatose yes i would love that for me.

ohhh, i've been meaning to watch that vid of them reacting to whc1 but at the time it didn't have subs. jihoon's acting was so fucking effective like??? the sadness the eyes of that man has can sway me to do anything !! so sorry that you got so much more than just a little sad bout. heading into this drama blind was like bringing a knife to a whole war.

this show made me realize that tragedy could strike any pairing on any show and i wouldn't bat an eye but have the same happen to a found family and then i'm instantly destroyed. THE SHOW ACTUALLY REMINDED ME OF YOUR CHENJI FIC????? FUCK. please do let me know if you ever get around to writing something related to them haha i'm ready to be destroyed.

please do not ever apologize for ranting especially about this show !! i went through this whole phase ALONE last year (watching it after christmas was the biggest mistake, i ended my year DEPRESSED as FUCK) so i'm offering as much help as i can.

[darthnell]

Ahh reading this now !! Love ur comments so much friend ♥️

HAHA yeah Bethia is just a Tad surprised that theres suddenly blood everywhere.. if that was Supposed to happen, now it would’ve been a different story…

Yee Ven lost a lot of body weight in the arena.. ;-; human physiology isnt my area of science, but i imagine being injured for so long while lowkey being in near-starvation mode Didn’t Help.. feel like it takes energy for ur body to try and Fix the injuries in addition to maintaining aliveness..

Ven and her sad are unfortunately cut from the very same cloth aughh ;-; learned a lot from him both consciously and subconsciously.. smthn smthn nature vs nurture

HAHA so as soon as I realized I needed to name Ven’s doctor I was like. Well I Have to make it a stupid pun. Hence Dr. Astic and how she overreacts when things dont go her way…

The convos w Ven and Oberon this chap are some of my favorites fr ;-; (they also took me so long to Get Right because theyre. So important to myself and also the story.. yea ;-; )

No muzzle !! :D for now.. omg more friend art wah !! Take ur time theres no rush !!

IM GLAD U LIKED THE BIT ABOUT HER WANTING TO HOLD HER MOMS HAND BUT CANT.. i also rly loved that line ;-; its like. Phantom pains but also the idea of phantom actions. Idk man.. also another example of Ven acting more childlike since her victory (like her tantrums and her sleeping in her parents bed for comfort).. like. I see the capitol viewing the games as a coming of age experience for the victor (and that is partially what this story is i guess) because the tributes are just kids but the victor, once they win theyre not a kid anymore, they lived thru the horrors and they should be proud (it should be a Good thing). They’ve changed and grown.. Venatrix has changed and grown. But unlike what the capitol wants to show, it hadnt been good. The games are a horror that no one should ever have to experience, they don’t make you better. Ven is def lucky that she can rely on her parents rn bc no one has ever gotten that before like this. But. Yeah.. her acting more childish in the aftermath if the trauma instead of like the trained warrior she is.. idk man ;-; sorry that was a long tangent LOL.

Eridan !! Yeah i couldnt just. Leave him there ;-; Ven winning was a good opportunity for him to slip back into Two without much fanfare ! Plus i think at this point the capitol probably wasnt getting anything interesting from keeping him there anymore.

Kitty sucks fr. Very self centered..

LOL yeah Ven has always been prone to anger.. the new trauma is not super helpful for her self control 😭

Ooh re: light, thank you !! Light/darkness is something that’s v useful imo for creating the Vibe.. i feel like its one of the easier visual cues too..? Or like. Most effective.. idk LOL

HAHA u keep picking out my fav lines from the chap ♥️♥️♥️ i love games rewatching can u tell.. i also like unintentionally reused a bunch of the post victory moments from riin’s for ven’s but like. It works ok.. especially this rewatch for Ven and Oberon.. ive talked a lot about the first time Ven and Oberon watched his games together and how that was a formative childhood memory for her.. it just felt Right to circle back to it now ;-;

Haha fifty anvils dropped on ur head.. that funny bc it also makes me feel like that!!! 😭😭😭 but yeah . Rly important moment for Ven and Oberon here ;-; like Ven succeeded at everything she’d spent her whole life working towards and shes just now realizing that she has to like. Keep Being. She gets to want things now!!! And as much as Ven and her dad have their struggles (esp Now), he understands that because he’s been through that already ;-; and they will definitely keep having their struggles after this moment but. Idk felt rly important to Acknowledge this.. good thing about career victors is that theyve got an inherent built in post victory support group ! (Though that in itself def differs by district…)

The return to Two will be fun yeah.. ;-; only a few chaps left for True Vengeance itself, but I will def be exploring more of that in Ven’s post victory fic !!

Ty again for reading and for your lovely comments, I look forward to them !!! :D ♥️✨

Chapter 68: Lunatic's Privilege

Setbacks plague the newest Victor, but finally, she can begin her journey home. It is a privilege not to be alone.

[klug]

the meme in your pinned is 10x funnier now that i actually know who that is FLSDHKGHLK

I'M REALLY GLAD because i made it my personality for like the first 4 months that I was getting into enst.

[rest-in-bees]

do you have a live action bl series with a serious plot you would recommend? i like the stuff you’ve been reblogging but i can’t choose which to start with

hi anon! i wasn't quite sure what you meant by serious (like focused more on the plot than the romance or like more serious tonally) so i went with a mix of the two with the help of the group chat! for the record everything in this list has a happyish ending except for one

a lot of the stuff I've been reblogging lately is from Kinnporsche, which is a thai mafia bl with romcom vibes but it's also v dark. and honestly i don't even know how to explain it? but i want to steal the genders of most of the cast and wear them like little hats (esp this one guy named vegas who i also want to put in a washing machine set to maximum spin) anygay there's three couples and they're all living in different genres, and there's def a reason everyone i know calls it a revolutionary bl. it can be found on dramacool, tws for sexual assault tho and there's also sex on screen if that's a squick of yours

another good one (still airing tho) is The Eclipse, which is thai and airing on youtube every friday. it's inspired by some real life events where the first openly transgender member of thailand's parliament was removed from office due to authoritarian measures (pls do not ask me what they are im too tired to google it) and so they decided to make a bl about an all boys high school fighting against an authoritarian school board! i really like the main couple and the side couple both, it's telling four different queer journeys and i love how all of them are portrayed

there's also Not Me which is thai and on youtube as well, and it follows a dude going undercover in a biker gang to figure out who put his twin brother in a coma. fair warning it's a little over the top at times (white is kind of an idiot but he's sean's idiot) but the pride rally episode makes it worth it imo

next up is Manner of Death, which is a thai crime drama on dramacool and was so cool to watch, bc it was the first bl I'd ever seen in which they could've been a straight couple and v little would change. they're adults and they have really good chemistry even if i think sometimes the characters engaged in some Poor Decision Making™️

and ofc i have to mention Cherry Magic! it's a japanese office drama on dramacool which covers a lot of serious topics and has a great ace character so i think it deserves to be an honorable mention. shoutout to the side couple for being hilariously cringe

next off is 180 Degrees of Longitude Passes Through Us, which i would like to say up front i have not seen! but it does come highly recommended to me and has a serious plot so i wanted to mention it. tws for kind of a big age gap and a sad ending. it's thai and can be found on dramacool

another one i haven't seen yet is Young Royals which is a swedish bl on netflix and looks like it's only angst so I'm ignoring it as that's not my thing but it might be yours! it's a prince and a commoner story set in a high school and my friend said i should suggest it to you since it's serious, season two is about to air!

is Bad Buddy serious? sort of so I'm adding it to the list bc it was so so so good. it's a childhood friends to rivals to lovers romcom and it does cover serious topics and i really like it so i highly recommend it. it's a thai bl on youtube

and ofc i have to mention The Untamed, which is a chinese bl (and as such is censored) and can be found on netflix, but it's based on novel called The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation by MXTX and just so you understand the vibes: the first line is "Good news! Wei Wuxian is dead!" and uh. wei wuxian is the mchecking main character. but the plot follows a lot of conspiracy and murder and a lot of the characters are heartbreaking but i swear it does end in marriage

NOW. there are two dramas that are not strictly bls but are both v homoerotic and so i really wanted to mention them anyway bc they are v serious and i liked them a lot

first off: The Devil Judge. the man himself becomes the head judge in a televised courtroom in a post pandemic south korea in an attempt to remove courtroom corruption and foul play from high priority trials. along the way he engages becomes the beast to a fellow judge's beauty (not a joke they literally said it was based on beauty and the beast and it's kinda obvious) and it has a bittersweet ending, can be found on dramacool

and last but certainly not least is Beyond Evil which is a kdrama on netflix and is this one guy trying to catch a serial killer, but the other one thinks he's suspicious and ofc insanity ensues but in a v dark and murdery way. bittersweet ending again and there is an age gap but it's not technically a bl even tho there's a lot of hinting imo

and ofc look out for Big Dragon when it starts airing on oct 8, it's one I'm really looking forward to (another thai mafia bl ofc)

and that's all I've got right now! anyone else pls feel free to add on to this list and anon def feel free to reach out with any questions! I'd love to know which, if any, you end up watching and your thoughts on it!

[kjmsupremacist]

Felix sweet boy baby angel but Christopher Bang is literally Satan? Idk if you saw but Hyunjin ratted him out on live and said the lyrics for Red Light were toned down. I don’t want to know. I don’t. He was already talking about edging and I don’t want to know. He can keep his Scorpio Venus and his Sag Mars away from me and everyone I love. I would give anything to know his rising if sign. It’s giving Earth but there’s so much air in his chart it’s hard to be sure. 🤖

i am so happy you sent me this ask because i have been looking for an excuse to talk about red lights. I sent leon and margot a seven minute long voice message when i was doing my research for my red lights-inspired fic like that's where i'm at.

First, yes, I saw Hyunjin's comments! that's what chris gets for trying to say hyunjin wrote all the lyrics in the first place. nice try, chris. also, his scorpio venus is SEXY. i won't be taking criticism on this opinion.

Now. Please see under the cut if you want to watch me dissect Red Lights -- both the lyrics and the MV.

so, credit where credit's due--I skimmed this and this reddit posts while I was doing my research.

now. we all know that on the surface, this song is about sex (and specifically bondage and edging—that much is clear). but, ah, how's the saying go? "everything is about sex except for sex, which is about power"? sure.

yeah, it's meant to be sexy. they did that for us and im still not sure if I want to kill them for it or thank them with my life. BUT, as they mentioned in the howl in harmony video, it's primarily a song about obsession.

The first reddit post does a great (albeit kind of aggressive) breakdown of the lyrics, where it becomes really clear that they're talking about the relationship they have with their work and the relationship they have with fans. In essence, the song is about how they want to give their lives and all their time to making more content for fans so that they will continue to receive love from us. The red lights are actually the recording light on a camera (hence the line “set the mic up”).

And so a relationship like the one depicted here is dark and intense, and yes—passionate and driven by love—but ultimately, it consumes itself in the vortex of its own desire, and then peters out into a sort of blank monotony—learned through repetition, a habitual reflex instead of a true reaction.

Then, the second reddit post goes on a deep dive of some of the symbolism seen in the MV—specifically, the use of kink. This is where it gets really fun.

We mostly see Hyunjin in shibari-style bondage. OP posits (and I agree) that he is meant to represent passion without discipline. The shibari ropes are tied messily (and so therefore dangerously) which is perfect for representing how often kink (and other obsessions) can devolve—you plunge in headfirst, but you are directionless except for the insistent tug in your gut that cries for more, more.

Chan, on the other hand, is seen primarily (esp in solo scenes) bound by heavy chains. He represents discipline with no passion. In the Howl in Harmony video, I believe he mentions that after a long day of practice, he'll still find himself in the recording studio, even though he's tired. He does what he has to on autopilot, because he knows he must, because it’s the only thing he feels he can do.

If Hyunjin is mania, then Chan is depression. The chains are GREAT symbolism because this dutiful march towards burnout and beyond is, as the lyrics suggest, stemming from a desire to keep receiving love (from fans)—that if you just work hard enough then no one will ever leave you. You wish to bind the person (or people) you love to you, but in the end the bonds only weigh you down.

So then the part where they’re tied together, back to back, at the end, shows when passion and discipline come into balance. And that’s creation for the love of creation while still maintaining a respect for yourself, the art, and your audience. (or idk. maybe they just thought we'd like to see them tied to one another. and they were right).

It's also fun because while we see Hyunjin and Chan both assume positions of domination and submission, it's clear Chan is meant to be the “dominant force” here (hence discipline). The reason we do see instances of Hyunjin in power (choking Chan, standing over him on the table) is because any somewhat healthy d/s relationship involves first the surrender of power. The dom is only perceived to be in power because the sub first relinquishes it them. So. You know.

I will say I'm not sure what to say about the edging theme (BNKSJDF) besides the obvious—almost giving you what you want, but not quite.

And finally, this is not part of either of those two reddit posts, but I was ENTHRALLED by the use of mirror and mirror-esque imagery throughout the MV and in the choreo. I love mirrors as a symbol so we're going to talk about that, too.

First and most obviously, it may be a bit on the nose. In art, mirrors and reflections are often used to show that there is a deeper meaning than what is clear on the surface. So this might have just been hyunchan going "hey! it's not just about sex!"

but I think there's more to it than that. Mirrors are often used as a vessel of truth—in some Chinese myths, for example, mirrors can repel demons, as they will show a demon’s true form. Or see the Little Mermaid—though Ursula managed to change her outward appearance, she was caught in her lie when another character (sebastian, i think?) saw her reflection in the mirror.

Additionally, one’s reflection used to be thought to contain one’s soul—which is why mirrors were covered in the home of person who had just passed, so they would not be trapped as a ghost in the world of the living.

For this reason, mirrors are often also considered dangerous. Think of Narcissus, for a start, who fell in love with his own reflection and sat at the water's edge, pining, until he fucking died. Or consider the following quote (which I love) from Fernando Pessoa:

“Man shouldn’t be able to see his own face – there’s nothing more sinister. Nature gave him the gift of not being able to see it, and of not being able to stare into his own eyes. Only in the water of rivers and ponds could he look at his face. And the very posture he had to assume was symbolic. He had to bend over, stoop down, to commit the ignominy of beholding himself. The inventor of the mirror poisoned the human heart.”

We use mirrors to watch ourselves watching ourselves (and the Margaret Atwood who lives in our heads cries “male fantasies, male fantasies! You are you own voyeur!”). We perform for the mirror—often what we see in the mirror is not actually how we are seen by others! We think we may find truth there, when in reality it is a distortion. Ties itself up really nicely, I think.

In any case, this really goes well with the theme of obsession in the song—staring in the mirror asking, what do others see? What is wrong about me? What can I do better? The idea of looking in the mirror to seek what others see, both positive and negative, is common throughout. And I think their use of mirrored choreo (esp when it seems like one of them is the reflection!!), as well as mirror placement on the set of the mv, and ESPECIALLY the lovely bit at the end where they both stand staring carefully at their own reflections, all work to drive that theme home.

and i don't even know how to touch on all the color symbolism (when it changes between color and b&w?? the palette being overwhelmingly yellow and red and black???), or the lens filters (warping, blurring, etc), or the way they superimposed pieces of the video on top of other pieces, or the use of that one stark white background—without writing a fucking dissertation (and this is already a ridiculously long post) so i'll just stop here.

This is all to say, maybe what they meant was that the lyrics were a lot more aggressive about these themes and they were asked to tone them down to keep it neutral.

or maybe they're just sexy, sexy motherfuckers and their managers bonked them on the head and sent them to horny jail.

[aggravatetheaxe]

hi I’m absolutely obsessed with your writing atm but also would you mind sharing any more info on your ocs if you have it?? I wanna know more about pris (and whatever tf happened with her and michael in the past)

YES i would love to tell you more about pris. this ask made me so happy, i cant even begin to tell you. i always worry people don't care about my ocs but they mean so much to me

she is one of my most favorite ocs of all time, it's just i've been so hyperfixated on house of wax i haven't gotten to write much about her and michael - BUT i really want to and i probably will eventually

tag

some quick facts about pris:

priscilla catherine tate

born in 1958 (im terrible at having concrete birthdays for my ocs but maybe she's a virgo? not sure)

5'6", pear shaped (& gains weight and keeps it on after giving birth to audrey), pin-straight dark brown hair (gray when she's older) and dark gray-green eyes, long nose

american of irish and english descent

not religious; raised non denominational christian

aromantic spectrum, bisexual, but not inclined to go out and meet people; puts more weight behind blood relative connections

when she was a child, she and her parents were involved in a bus accident and subsequent fire. she was 7 at the time and was one of the only survivors

early onset depression and mental illness because of this traumatic event, which eventually led to a dissociative disorder, specifically a form of cotard's syndrome

her illness was manageable through therapy and medication but she believes she can't die because she's already dead

was fostered longterm but never formally adopted. doesn't feel a huge connection to her foster family though

has been both an inpatient and outpatient at various mental health facilities in the area for years; the mental health community of haddonfield and the surrounding area knows her pretty well by the time she's 20

nihilistic, prone to shutting down and appearing "emotionless" because of her anxiety (but that also means she can Get Shit Done when she has to), actually could be a deeply caring and wonderful friend if given the chance despite being a wet cat of a woman

showers 3-5 times a day because she fears her body decaying, so some obsessive compulsive tendencies. if she can't shower when she wants her neuroses become exponentially worse, which is one of the reasons she does much better as an outpatient

has a sphinx cat named soup

doesn't have many aspirations for life, understandably, since she thinks she's dead; however, still needs to pay bills, uses her mental health community connections to get herself a job in the healthcare community, becomes an RN

bounces around from healthcare jobs to secretary work to cleaning jobs, etc etc

hobbies include: puzzles (esp word puzzles), board games, miniature model enthusiast but no talent for it, absolutely adores just sitting back and listening to some old country (her FAVORITE) or 40s-50s music

now when it comes to michael, it would all depend on what timeline we're talking about. and for the record I don't really like RZ Michael so this would all be OG

if we're talking Carpenter's reboot (Halloween 1978 -> Halloween 2018):

michael and pris knew each other in passing from some mental health programs when they were younger, when loomis was still Trying with michael. basically a classmate type of connection, so they recognized each other but didn't really know each other?

she was living in outpatient/government housing at the time of the babysitter murders

michael kind of staggered to her govt housing neighborhood after being shot by loomis. michael's a creature of instinct so his first is survive -> prey

wound up staying with her because 1. she didn't call the cops on him 2. she's dead, there's nothing behind her eyes; she wouldn't be interesting to kill. we see time and time again that michael doesn't kill someone unless he's interested in them/likes how they are and wants to see them die or if they are in his way and she was neither. there's nothing exciting or interesting about killing something that doesn't care about dying

life finds a way! audrey was conceived ~3 months in

they lived together for a full year without being detected. but michael likes halloween, so while pris was at the hospital giving birth (on halloween!!!) he snuck out and decided to kill some more people (fun)

he was caught this time, as the whole town was on guard

pris was thoroughly inconvenienced by this, and also a bit sad because he had been her companion and she had gotten used to him. anxious as hell because now she's a single mom (thankfully she's very experienced with navigating government programs and was able to help herself pretty well)

managed to finagle weekly or monthly visitation with michael by going over loomis's head; this became much easier after loomis died, and they got even more privileges. knows sartain very well at that point

because of this, michael never forgot who she was. she has a connection with him

they just seem sort of drawn to each other, almost supernaturally. it's like she provides some weird equilibrium...and she doesn't ask anything of him, doesn't want anything from him. he's just in her life now

michael's parents don't speak to her and audrey (and eventually they die)

she and michael are never technically married but she considers him her partner, probably the closest thing she will have (or would ever want, she's quite aro) to a husband; she refers to him in that way often

people who know about her and michael think she's fucking insane. how the hell did she even survive that? most people don't know, though, and audrey takes her last name. it would be very hard to be a myers in haddonfield

she and laurie do know each other. she has nothing in particular against laurie but she did need to get a restraining order against her. it's unfortunate that laurie hates her because i think they'd be friends in another life

she doesn't have anything against people especially and doesn't particularly want michael to murder folks, but she's smart enough to know she can't stop him

when it comes to other timelines, such as the thorn timeline... when the curse gets involved, i figure she has to have some supernatural connection to it, but i'm not a huge fan of the thorn timeline, so i haven't smoothed that out!

@waxhouse and I have a fun crack type au where all the slashers live in the same neighborhood and there pris is:

best friends with amanda, jason voorhees's wife

audrey's mom obviously

part of amanda's book club but she never reads the books and it drives amanda insane

gets her weed from bubba sawyer

bo sinclair's object of lust and fear (she hates him and his vibes)

on good terms with freddy and pinhead (she and the Girls go to brunch with pinhead all the time)

always the designated driver (she hates driving tho and avoids it)

that one friend that you're sure hates you but actually has deep deep affections for you, they're just quiet

[muwur]

snapchat headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for using snapchat w ur boi toi ft. the pretty setter squad

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.1k words

a/n: kinda a combo of how they use sc and the kinds of snaps they send you! along w wat u send them, and uh... dating stuf n shenanigans? texting/snapping habits? my fantasies? IDEK ANYMORE EOFHEFJ

this was born from the recesses of my mind , which desired nothing mor than snapchats from suga , us sending cute selfies , others bein dumb n chaotic , no context videos , n him snapping me photos of some mangoes on sale he said he’ll buy for me DXX it’s too late for me now

doing research on hq bois and surfing thru sc features (im just now realizing theres quite a bit?? im hoping i address most of them at some point lolol) instead of real life tings aHHhhhHAHA

requests: open! will be working on a suga one i got, dw, requester!

sugawara

✧ sends good morning and good night snaps

✧ so he’s rlly good at keeping streaks, probs has the longest ones (one of them being y’alls streak)

✧ posts tidbits of volleyball practice on his story every once in a while

✧ snaps you pics of his sleeping teammates when they’re coming back to school after a long day of matches , adding a single ‘❤️’ as a caption

✧ he will also create colorful masterpieces on all of them

✧ gives daichi a santa beard, tanaka a squiggly stache (i imagine it to look like spongebob n patrick’s seaweed ones now that were mEN), n kageyama sum angry brows,,, wait he already has them lolol u good der kags

✧ posts a picture of you when you’re hanging out, captioning it: “🥰“

✧ has conversations with you purely via snaps

✧ ranges from casual chats and checking up on u to crackwhoring ( ** indicates the photo, while the “” quotes indicate the caption, all snaps are italicized, otherwise its regular dialogue)

✧ suga: *peace sign* “hey sweetheart, how r u?”

✧ you: *pics of homework* “ahh, drowning in school ;-; i cant wait for this week to be over fghjkl”

✧ suga: *close up with :o on his face* “let’s study together tmrw!”

✧ or

✧ suga: *complete darkness* “its 3 am n i cant sleep”

✧ you: *the top half of your head, laying on a pillow* “ ;( aw babe. do u want me to send something to help u sleep?”

✧ suga: *still in darkness* “y u still up?? go sleep. n 🥺 yes pls”

✧ you: *snaps pics of feet* “that’ll be 50 bucks, pay up” 

✧ suga: *darkness remains* “can we make a trade instead? i promise to make it worth ;)”

✧ ok now u BOTH cant sleep (im sry my crackheading be acting up around 2am eeryday, i stan a mischievous suga--)

✧ video chats (in the darkness lol) instead until you both pass out (im not in luv u r 😭)

✧ super down to take filtered selfies w you

✧ does all the silly ones with you (things like ’angry face’ or the frog one)

✧ but also rlly digs lookin cute with you using some heart crowns, y’all an aesthetic (n crakhead) duo fosho

✧ def subscribes to life hacks and tries them out himself, has a 50% success rate

kageyama

✧ doesn’t rlly use snapchat too much

✧ but when he does

✧ will either send you a picture to indicate he’s at volleyball practice (wow wat a sexi lookin gym floor)

✧ or some random picture of whatever he’s doing at the moment (*drinking milk*)

✧ this is mostly in order to save streaks

✧ he’s so bad at streaks

✧ “why does it matter?? what’s the point of sending just black screens or whatever’s in front of you at the moment??”

✧ can’t keep a consistent streak for more than 3 days and also doesn’t care (until hinata challenges him to see who can have the longer one)

✧ when you send him videos of him playing, he really focuses on them to try to improve his technique. asks you to send those vids to him (assuming u saved them, which u did)

✧ but when you look over his shoulder when he’s watching a video and give him some compliment (“i recorded at the perfect moment! that was a really good set, kageyama!”), he gets a bit flustered

✧ gets even more flustered but pretty happy whenever you post videos on your story showing karasuno winning some points with captions like:

✧ “footage of the legendary quick >.>” or “karasuno crows flyin high!” or “these bois make my heart 😭 im so proud”

✧ you WILL catch him off guard in photos, using filters that surrounds his head w/ emojis like 🥺💖🥰💘

✧ you also put these on your story (to his dismay)

✧ ppl comment on these mor than anything else (n for those who dont rlly kno kageyama, theyre kinda surprised to him like this)

✧ hinata snickers “hey kageyama you look pretty good here--”

✧ takes some selfies with you, mostly cuz you want them

✧ saves them after u send them over (n secretly cherishes them)

✧ occasionally watches his subscriptions, they’ll usually involve sports, mostly volleyball (who woulda guessed)

✧ you use his bitmoji to test out random facial expressions you would never see him wear

✧ you: “can you smile and wink like this? act like you’re the obnoxious charming guy in a shojo.”

✧ will actually attempt, but it looks so bad that you die inside and he never wants to try again cuz of ur laughing outburst (you: “😭😭 bb im sorry i couldnt help it”)

oikawa

✧ literally sends you anything and everything

✧ morning bathroom selfie to show off how good his hair came out that day, saying:

✧ “he has risen”

✧ or “i woke up like this”

✧ and my favorite, “you’re lucky you get this content for frEE”

✧ selfies with iwa, who just looks annoyed and exasperated at the camera

✧ sends you pics of his lunch and snacks (“bet u wish u had milk bread too”)

✧ always packs extra milk bread so he could convince you to stay at his practice after school--

✧ FILTERSS

✧ I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENUF

✧ will either use the filters that make him kayooottt (cute)

✧ loves the ones named ‘hearts,’ ‘soft,’ ‘peach,’ ‘butterfly cheeks,’ vsco filters LOL, etc

✧ uses ‘big mouth’ when he feelin a bit sASSY; also loves to use this one when he rants, it channels his inner valley girl

✧ sometimes he’ll be snacking or drinking something while he does so (“hey guys today im gonna eat these milk buns from my favorite bakery and this bomb orange juice and complain about this little kid who talked smack to me earlier and almost made me cry--”)

✧ takes cute selfies with you, is an aesthetic selfie king, puts them on his story to show off he’s hangin with you

✧ but on your story you only post the ones he looks bad in LOL

✧ has separate stories for his every need, some r private (and lucky you, ur included in all of them)

✧ titles them ‘mean things iwa said to me today,’ ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ ‘a day in the life of oikawa,’ ‘volleyball 🏐,’ ‘unpopular opinions,’ etc. 

✧ fitting room photoshoots lol

✧ “y/n, what do you think of this??” “and this?” “oOH WHAT ABOUT THIS??”

✧ ends up calling you through video chat so you can live critique his choices

✧ “oikawa, please no, i can’t be seen with you in public if you wear those--”

✧ also changes his bitmoji’s outfits from time to time, hopes you’ll notice, but you don’t LOL (oikawa: ;((((((( )

kenma

✧ uses sc usually just to reply to messages ppl send him

✧ indifferent about streaks, but keeps a few with ppl he’s closer to

✧ mindlessly plays the snapchat games with you, finds some of them kinda cute

✧ you both made his bitmoji for him, dressing his up in the orange cat suit

✧ you also helped make kuroo’s and put his in the black cat suit to match--

✧ snaps you every time he gets a new game, starts playing it, and once he finishes

✧ started to post some gameplays and reviews on his sc story (might as well add them to sc since he was already on other social platforms), and ended up amassing a large following

✧ follows the tech and gaming stories on sc

✧ as well as the ones with cute animals--

✧ open to selfies with you, usually wears a calm expression and holds up a peace sign

✧ even occasionally sticks his tongue out

✧ his story is occasionally heavily bombarded with candids of him w/ pretty sc filters, all taken by you

✧ but of all the filters, you love using the clout glasses on him

✧ especially when he’s just minding his own business

✧ “kenma, in his tru habitat” when hes cocooned in a blanket

✧ “kenma, on his way to steal yo manz” while on his way to the bathroom

✧ “kenma, next iron chef. watch out gordon” as he’s cooking instant ramen

✧ “kenma” n das it

✧ but he thinks it meme-y so he lets you do whatever you want, kinda digs it

✧ you end up dedicating your snap story to memes of kenma and the nekoma volleyball team. ppl are in it for the shits n giggles n hot bois

✧ you later discover someone else did the same thing with their volleyball team filled with hot bois from shiratorizawa, and you befriend tendou and share funni internet tings

akaashi

✧ 99% of his photos include either you or bokuto or both

✧ bokuto spams akaashi’s story and contact list with selfies and videos of himself using weird filters, often gets you to join him

✧ has several streaks, but will send something with more substance than a black screen or his bedroom window

✧ will usually involve smthng that just happened to him or smthing he saw, like:

✧ “a kind older lady offered me some apples in return for helping her”

-or:

✧ “how do i break the news to bokuto that the yaikniku place he’s been wanting to go to for the past week ,,, is closed today”

✧ o n let’s not leave out:

✧ “is it possible to conjure a ghost using a wooden spatula, ketchup, and a chalk drawn hexagram? bokuto’s been paranoid ever since he tried last night and i dont know what to tell him. seriously, help”

✧ looks through stories occasionally, comments whenever bokuto makes questionable decisions

✧ also comments on whatever you’ve posted. his words range from “you’re cute” to “why,” depending on the content

✧ ppl know when y’all are hanging out cuz he’ll post smthing to indicate he’s with you, usually it’s some candid and you’re not paying attention

✧ appreciation posts for you as well! esp if you got him something, like onigiri or his fav, Nanohana no Karashiae , for lunch! (akaashi: *snaps a pic of his food* “thank you y/n for feeding me”)

✧ prefers video calling over texting/snapping whenever possible tho

✧ occasionally reminisces thru his sc memories

✧ enjoys the flashback feature and will send them to you and bokuto (cuz they’re about y’all anyway lolol)

✧ also has secretly saved a bunch of selfies of himself, consists of him trying out a lot of the filters (he feelin himself)

✧ you, one day, looking thru his phone and discovering them: “akaashi, you’re so pretty wtf”

✧ akaashi: “...”

koganegawa

✧ sends you selfies of him before practice

✧ during breaks

✧ and after practice, usually makes a comment about how it went for him that day like:

✧  “i hit a decent toss today and futakuchi actually complimented me!”

✧ that, or:

✧ “i got yelled at 17 times today 😢😩”

✧ has quite a few streaks, his longest ones being with you and hinata

✧ def uses filters

✧ tries out every funny one he finds and sends you videos

✧ “look y/n im an aaaaAALlliiEEENnnNNN oo oo hoo hhhooOOh”

✧ “now im a chicky nuggy!!” (chicken nugget)

✧ also enjoys the doodle feature

✧ but he uses the filter with the clout glasses unironically--

✧ usually when smth good happens to him and he feels happy and/or cool about it

✧ “just beat the boss in this game on my 69th try B)”

✧ “kogane, that’s--”

✧ plays sc games with you and thinks bitmojis r cool

✧ kinda sad he cant find a hair option that matches him tho lolol rip

✧ you: “you hair’s just,,, unique,,,”

✧ subscribed to anything sports and fitness, as well as pop culture so he can stay in the loop

✧ also watches everyone else’s stories, pointing out whenever he sees smthing cool and/or interesting

✧ “woahh, karasuno’s at nationals right now! i wish we could’ve won, but next year for sure!!”

✧ you encourage him at all his games, hyping him up irl and online

✧ “koganegawa: best setter 😍!!”

✧ luckily you didnt record the parts he completely messed up LOL

semi

✧ before going out with you, snaps you a pic of his casual outfit like:

✧ semi: “does this look ok”

✧ you: “babe you look great, tendou was just messing with you”

✧ will make unwanted appearances on tendou’s snap and complains to you about them

✧ “i didnt consent to being part of his meme page” and

✧ “okay, but he didn’t only have to share all the moments i messed up--”

✧ also indifferent about streaks but will do them

✧ sometimes sends snaps/streaks indicating he’s practicing his music

✧ when you see these you usually ask him to send you vids or if you can come over n watch

✧ initially is a bit shy about it but he loves what he does and you and knows you’re genuinely interested and supportive so he agrees

✧ secretly rlly enjoys having you as his personal audience

✧ lowkey into asmr, like the soap cutting shit as well as chewing crunchy things

✧ also watches food porn and clips of mukbangs, then can’t resist going on youtube and watching the whole thing

✧  “y/n, can we try this, it looks so good--”

✧ will also often watch oikawa’s stories, especially his ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ and makes comments about him being an idiot

✧  “this kid he’s talking about is a savage”

✧ but admits they’re quite entertaining

✧ just looks serious in all the selfies you take with him

✧ you: “can you look like you’re enjoying yourself?”

✧ semi: “i look cooler like this tho”

✧ sc memories filled with shenanigans from you and the volleyball team, doodles, and mirror selfies with him experimenting diff looks (you: “tendou, you got him way too concerned about this”)

✧ also enjoys showing off he’s with you, taking a short video of you when you hang out

✧ you: “semi, i look bad right now”

✧ semi: “but you can never look bad”

✧ you: “🥺 bb”

✧ viewers: “aw”

✧ shiratorizawa: “can he be this nice with us LOL”

shirabu

✧ his main mode of communication with you is mostly through the regular messaging app, so he doesn’t use sc too much

✧ also doesn’t care for streaks and is bad at keeping them

✧ will answer to you or his senpais rather soon tho

✧ but lets all his other notifications pile up a bit before finally going thru them

✧ goes through the snaps he receives really fast, spending like 2 seconds each to look at them cuz aint nobody got time for dat

✧ doesn’t even rlly open goshiki’s LOL

✧ you have fun using filters on him and taking videos while he’s just doing his own thing peacefully like studying

✧ it takes him a second to notice and when he finally looks up, he just gives you an exasperated look

✧ cue you cracking up with laughter bc the filter finally shows up on his face

✧ his eyes and mouth are now on mike wazowski

✧ that, or his face becomes so disturbingly moRPhed like an alien

✧ caption: “ken-chan, my future medical man 😍”

✧ “y/n, please, this is like the 7th time in the last 20 minutes--”

✧ finally convinced him to take a study break and hang out with you

✧ which usually consists of snacking and light banter while you lay your head on his lap

✧ and scrolling through snapchat stories and showing him what everyone else is up to and cool things you’re subscribed to

✧ “loooook, dr. miami’s doing another butt job! is this the line of work you’re studying so hard for?”

✧ “no, it’s really not”

✧ is actually very soft with you and likes having the photos and vids for memories

atsumu

✧ sends you snaps where his brother looks bad, captioning it:

✧ “this is evidence that im the hotter twin”

✧ likewise, osamu sends you snaps where atsumu looks even worse

✧ like, the mans passed out, looking rekt and open mouthed, drool seeping into his pillow

✧ osamu: “u still have time to break up with him”

✧ also lucky for you, atsumu also loves to take unflattering photos of you and send them to you randomly at like 2 am

✧ you: “nani tf when did you even take this??”

✧ usually posts a snap while he’s out somewhere like at a match, the gym, outside on a run, a party, or just hanging out with you or his frens

✧ however, makes sure you look good if you show up on his story cuz he wants to show you off

✧ doesn’t really care for streaks, but has a lott

✧ but also has a tON of unopened snaps

✧ is the type to send just a black screen n call it a day, or maybe spice it up by sending a pic of the sexi gym floor (a comeback) w his shoe in the corner

✧ will, however, consistently respond to you and kinda looks forward to ur snaps (secretly hopes you show ur face)

✧ but when you dont:

*in class*

✧ atsumu: *a smirk on his face* “your content’s kinda dry today” 

✧ you: *your sexi desk* “my nudez ain’t free, i demand compensation”

✧ atsumu: *grasped his chin in thought, but angled the cam up bc he needa hide his phone in class lolol* “what if i... take you out on a romantic excursion”

✧ you: * your face but with ‘sausage’ filter* “🥵🥵🥵🥵 yessir, what u want”

✧ rlly only wants to have pics of your face wat a closeted sOFTIE

✧ likes to have content on his flashbacks

✧ usually has other social media sources to keep up to date with things

✧ actually rlly digs using sc filters, mostly ones that’ll make him look like a queen

✧ captions a selfie of you two like: “me >>>>>>> y/n”

✧ but nearly everyone who comments on it is like: “i think you flipped the sign, bro 🤥”

✧ judges ppl who are into soap cutting asmr (you will never hear the end of it if you also like it)

a/n: sc kinda dying for me, my use went from suga to an atsumu to like nearly nonexistent LOL

also o gawd i already have ideas here n there for a pt 2 so stay tuned fjxnwfesd hope it takes me less long cuz this one took me fkin foreva LOL

idk y i made semi like mukbangs but i feel like he’d be rlly into them--

[commiekinkshamer]

My Fucking coworker. Who is not a doctor or a nurse. Who was at a social gathering a few days ago where everyone but her has tested positive, is talking about how she’s going to “check” on her Covid positive friend, check her lungs etc and drive her to the hospital. However, given she’s Covid positive I suggested maybe having public health transport her to the hospital would be a better idea esp since she’s not equipped to really diagnose or handle medical complications. and she was just like yeah I guess. So she’s willingly going into a Covid positive persons home and then come to work the rest of the week.

I get wanting to help but like, there are options readily available and resources through the public system to transport Covid positive people and who possess proper PPE to do so with minimized risk.

Covid has honestly depressed me so much. Im too afraid to do my laundry bc I don’t want to spread germs but I have no clean clothes. I was supposed to see my family for the first time since everything happened and do laundry and have a nice meal with them, but now I don’t feel right bc another person here I was in very close contact with is sick (but testing negative on rapid tests which are Fucking shit and not at all accurate).

So now I can’t see my family and it’s going to be another lonely week in my dark apartment I’m too afraid to leave bc I don’t want to spread Covid.

Im exhausted and tired of careless people. I can’t take it anymore. Im too afraid to see my grandparents because every time I take the risk to visit is literally a life or death situation now. I’m so exhausted and defeated and lonely. I need to get out. I need to be in the sun and go for a drive and see people. I’ve been looking forward to this for two weeks. But I can’t now. I hate everything about this.

On top of it all my GI referral was rejected and I’m in a terrible anxiety and depression spiral where I feel like I’m just going to die young anyway so why bother with anything.

[magpiefngrl]

Hi. Im sorry you are hurting. Im feeling a similar way myself currently and it sucks. If you're up to it im really in the mood for a drarry soulmate AU. Maybe a red string of fate? No pressure tho. Hope you feel better.

Hello!

Thank you for your wishes <3333 I’m better, thank you: writing fun drarry ficlets helped. It gave me a lot of joy to write this one, and I hope you like it!

Eighth year, 1.3k, Mature, unbeated.

*****

When Blaise offered Draco a potion that would make him discover his soulmate, Draco only drank it to humour him.

‘There’s no such thing as soulmates,’ he said, twirling the blue vial. The potion inside gave off a strong smell of iodine. He wondered if it was a harmless Muggle medicine or an illegal hallucinogenic drug—both real possibilities where Blaise was concerned.

Blaise was leaning against the frame of his bed. ‘There is. That’s how I learned that Padma is the love of my life.’

Draco scoffed. ‘It’s all right to say you’re smitten, you know. You don’t have to justify it with metaphysical mumbo-jumbo.’

Blaise’s eyes flashed. ‘Just drink it and you’ll see it.’

Draco couldn’t be arsed to argue; he drank it. ‘And now what?’ He deposited the vial on his bedside table.

‘Now fate will contrive that you meet them, and when you see your soulmate, they’ll glow.’

‘You mean my soulmate is at Hogwarts? Out of the entire world? How ridiculous! What if my soulmate is a Brazilian underwear model?’

‘Well then your Brazilian underwear model will somehow, through mysterious circumstances, find himself at Hogwarts tonight.’

‘What a load of bull,’ Draco said and gathered his school bag. ‘Come on. We have Intelligent Plants at Greenhouse Six. Hey, maybe a plant is my soulmate? I could swear my ficus winked at me the other day.’

Blaise didn’t look impressed or amused. ‘You’re mocking now, but you’ll eat your words.’

He followed Blaise out of their dorm, his chest heavy. He didn’t want to tell Blaise the real reason he didn’t want to know about soulmates. It’d be so disheartening to be in love, desperately yearning for a person, and then to get confirmation that he wasn’t the One. That someone else was, someone that perhaps you hadn’t met yet. Even if it was better in the long run, Draco didn’t want the pain of disillusionment. He didn’t want to know the right bloke for him when his heart ached for the wrong one.

Because there was no way that Potter was his soulmate. They’d barely had a conversation these days that wasn’t fraught with tension, weird looks and awkwardness. Potter—who, in former years, had been capable of returning Draco’s jibes with sharp wit—was tongue-tied around him. Avoided looking at Draco even.

It hurt. Potter’s distance hurt, and Draco had no idea how to bridge it. He distracted himself by thinking about their next class when he froze a few metres from the greenhouses. He’d forgotten to bring the ingredients Professor Sprout had asked them to for this lesson. Curse Blaise and his stupid potions!

‘I need to go back,’ he told Blaise and strode back to the castle without another word. He crossed the Entrance, silent and empty now, and was about to head to the dungeons when he saw the school’s psych-healer walk his way. Oh no.

Luckily, she hadn’t seen him, her attention on her folder, and Draco glanced around him in panic and dashed inside a broom cupboard. He shut the door firmly and leaned his forehead on it, trying to listen to her footsteps fading away.

‘What are you doing here?’ said a voice behind him.

Draco froze. Honestly, this day couldn’t get any worse.

He turned around. A weird glow hovered in a corner, which illuminated the silhouette of Potter’s head. Draco’s heart—the traitor—thumped giddily. He swallowed. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I…er…. was looking for something.’

‘So am I,’ Draco hurried to say.

Murmurs came from outside. Draco pressed his ear to the door and groaned. Dr Bells had stopped right outside their door and was talking to someone—McGonagall probably.

‘You look like you’re hiding,’ Potter said.

‘So do you,’ Draco replied.

‘Maybe I am.’

Draco’s eyes adjusted to the darkness and he could see Potter a little more clearly, shrouded in that golden haze. ‘What’s that around your head?’

Potter glanced above him. ‘What thing?’

‘That— oh dear Merlin!’ Blaise’s words shot through Draco’s brain like a lance: your soulmate will glow.

‘Are you all right?’

‘Yes, yes,’ Draco answered quickly, his heart hammering in his chest. Was Potter…? Was it possible? Draco’s breath came shallow, his lungs straining for air. They strained harder when Potter left his corner and leaned on the door beside Draco. He put his ear on the door, then glanced at Draco with a half-smile.

‘Hiding from Dr Bells?’

In his confusion it didn’t occur to Draco to lie. ‘Yes. She keeps asking me to go see her and talk to her.’ He mimicked the counsellor’s voice. ‘ “How about a chat, Draco? I haven’t seen you in my office yet. How about you tell me about your worst nightmares and biggest shames and—”.’ Draco bit his lip. He hadn’t intended to say all of that and waited for mockery or laughter.

But Potter looked serious. He still leaned beside him, his face turned towards Draco. ‘I’m hiding from McGonagall. Same—well, similar reason. She wants me to make plans about the future, decide on my next few steps, and—’

He didn’t finish his sentence and Draco didn’t hurry to fill the silence. They stared at each other in the dim golden glow. ‘I can’t stand people being understanding,’ Draco confessed. ‘Helpful. Kind.’

‘It’s pity,’ Potter said. ‘It infuriates me. People checking in on me all the time.’

Draco was distantly aware that, outside, the conversation had ended, and he could leave. He remained where he was, breathing quietly, side by side with Potter. ‘All you want is to be left alone,’ he whispered.

‘Yes,’ Potter said, voice equally low. Then, he lowered his face but glanced up at Draco through his lashes. ‘Well, maybe not all alone.’

Draco swallowed. He kept his eyes on Potter’s, desperately trying to keep his knees from collapsing. His voice rasped only a little. ‘You want someone by your side.’ Potter nodded. Draco continued, ‘Someone who’s not kind, though.’

‘No,’ Potter said, coming closer. ‘Not kind, not understanding, not helpful.’ He’d stopped an inch from Draco’s lips, his breath hot. ‘I want someone who’s fierce. And clever. And a bit rude. And—’ he stroked Draco’s cheek. ‘Resilient.’

The word loosened something inside Draco’s chest, and he propelled himself forward. His mouth fell on Potter’s, his hands pulling him close. Potter kissed him back enthusiastically, making small, painful sounds, as if it hurt. And perhaps it did hurt: to be granted this joy. Draco found himself pressed against the door, Potter’s thigh between his legs and Potter’s hot hands under Draco’s shirt. He kissed him breathlessly, relentlessly, savagely, while a voice inside his head rang with joy: soulmates!

Late that evening, Draco lounged on his bed, his skin flushing at the memory of Potter—Harry, sweet Harry—kissing him and stroking him and gasping in his ear. He looked up to see a disgruntled Blaise enter the room.

‘What’s up?’

‘Daphne’s sister, that annoying Sixth-Year, got a hold of the potion, tested it and said it was a tiny strain of Felix Felicis with some other shit which would make someone’s pupils dilate when they saw the person they had a crush on? I didn’t understand it, but—’

‘You wanted it to be soulmates.’

Blaise sat heavily on his bed and held his head with his hands. Almost inaudibly, he said, ‘If we’re not soulmates, Padma might fall out of love with me.’

Draco sat up. ‘Well, then you’ve got to treat her right, don’t you? But if it helps, I did meet someone today. Under unexpected circumstances. Perhaps there is something in that potion; something that hints at fated love.’

Blaise cast a sideways glance. ‘Your Brazilian underwear model?’

Draco leaned back on his pillow with a smile and a half-hard cock. ‘Someone better.’

***

Please note that it’s my fervent belief that therapy is a godsend and that finding the right therapist can be life-changing for everyone. I’d urge everyone who can afford it to seek some therapy, esp during difficult times. The attitude of these two idiots in the fic isn’t an example to emulate. (although it’s, unfortunately, quite realistic.)

[cassyapper]

loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!